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If I Were Not a . . . ScoutBack to Song Category List Page Song Lyrics:
Now I'm a Boy Scout, (or Girl Guide) as you can plainly see But if I weren't a Boy Scout (or Girl Guide) . . . A bird watcher I'd be Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT! A plumber I would be Plunge it, flush it, look out below! A mermaid I would be Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop! A carpenter I'd be Two by four, nail it to the floor! A secretary I'd be z-z-z-z get the point, z-z-z-z get the point? A teacher I would be Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum! An airline attendant I'd be Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here's your little bag, BLEH! A hippie I would be Love and peace, my hair is full of grease! A farmer I would be Here's a cow, there's a cow, and here's another yuck! A laundry worker I would be Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear! A cashier I would be Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir! A gym teacher I'd be We must, we must, improve the bust! A medic I would be Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab! A doctor I would be Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing! An electrician I would be Positive, negative; turn on the juice-ZZZT! A Preacher I would be Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go to hell! A fireman I would be Jump lady! Jump lady! Whoo-ooah! GOTCHA! A cook I would be Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP! A ice cream maker I'd be Tutti-frutti, tutti-fruitti, nice ice cream! A politician I would be Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day! A butcher I would be Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty! A garbage collector I'd be Lift it, dump it, sort out the goodies! A typist I would be Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING! A [Domino's] pizza maker I'd be 30 minute, fast delivery! A clam digger I would be Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere! Superman I would be It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane? Lois Lane I would be Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent! A cyclist I would be peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring! A truck driver I'd be Here's a curve, there's a curve. HERE'S A BETTER CURVE! Makes outline of shapely woman A house cleaner I'd be Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug! A baby [toddler] I would be Mama, Dada, I wuv you! A (Opposite organization) I would be!
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