If I were not a Boy Scout...

If I were not a Boy Scout, I wonder what I'd be

If I were not a Boy Scout, a ......



1. A bird watcher I'd be - Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT!

2. A plumber I would be-Plunge it, flush it, look out below!

3. A mermaid I would be-Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!

4. A carpenter I'd be-Two by four, nail it to the floor!

5. A secretary I'd be-z-z-z-z get the point, z-z-z-z get the point?

6. A teacher I would be-Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!

7. An airline attendant I'd be-Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here's your little bag, BLEH!

8. A typist I would be-Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!

9. A hippie I would be-Love and peace, my hair is full of grease! [or] Hey Man! Cool Man! Far out! Wow!

10.A farmer I would be-Here's a cow, there's a cow, and here's another yuck! [or] Come on Betsy give... the baby's gotta live

11.A laundry worker I would be
Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!

12.A cashier I would be-Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!

13.A gym teacher I'd be-We must, we must, improve the bust!

14.A medic I would be-Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!

15.A doctor I would be -Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing!
[or] Needle! Thread! Stick 'em in the head!

16.An electrician I would be Positive, negative bbzzzzt zap

17.A fireman I would be-Jump lady, jump... whoaa slpat!
18.A cook I would be-Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!

19.A ice cream maker I'd be-Tutti-frutti, tutti-fruitti, nice ice cream!

20.A politician I would be-Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!

21.A butcher I would be-Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!

22.A garbage collector I'd be
Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
[or] Pile that garbage. Pile that garbage. Pile it to the sky.

23.A [Domino's] pizza maker I'd be
30 minute, fast delivery!

24.A clam digger I would be
Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!

25.Superman I would be
It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?

26.Lois Lane I would be
Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!

27.A cyclist I would be
peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!

28.A truck driver I'd be
Here's a curve, there's a curve. HERE'S A BETTER CURVE!
[Makes outline of shapely woman.]

29.A house cleaner I'd be
Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!

30.A baby I would be
Mama, Dada, I wuv you!

31.A Preacher I would be
Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go to ...

32.A DJ I would Be, Miles of smiles on the radio dial.

33. A Stewardess I would be, Here's your coffee, here's your tea. hear's your paper bag, urrrp

34. A Baker I would be, Donuts! Eclairs! Buy My Buns!

35. A Lifeguard I would be,Save yourself, Man. I'm working on my tan! [or] Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.

36. A Lawer I would be, Honest. I swear, My client wasn't there

37. An Undertaker I would be, 6 x 4, nail them to the floor.

38. An Engineer, I would be, Push the button, push the button, kick the darn machine.

39. A Ranger I would be, Get eaten by a bear, see if I care.

40. A Scoutmaster I would be, Do this, do that, I'm gonna take a nap.